Carolina Lidya's Room

I hit replay button when I heard the song Like You from Tatiana. The song that relate to all moments. I wish I can hear this song earlier, maybe… 5 years ago? Anyway, the lyrics really empower the soul. 

To whoever have bad days, I know this sounds classic, it just a bad day not a bad life. I don’t really like motivational book, especially when the book represent success people should be. Because, every people have different paths and different privilege to achieve their happiness. 

I read some article about Jack Ma, Elon, Steve Jobs, etc. For a sake understand their good habit. The rest, I prefer not wasting my time to compare myself to be as successful as them. Like I mention, we have different bar, time and luck that will lead to what we got at the end. It depends to you, which level you set the bar. Prefer to set it as high as you can get. 

How to ensure you happy, you need to find you. Yes, find the really you are. Not pretending become someone else, not doing things just because other want it, do all things that you think it’s good for you. 

No body will cares about shit that happen to you. People will encourage you for sure. But the button power itself comes from you not anyone else. 

So get up. Your parents need you. Your son and daughter want to see you happy too. Be sad as needed, be happy to empower other’s happiness around you. Find the power button inside you. 

You are the one who can make your life beautiful and colorful. 

Still in progress to bring me back. I will be more consistent in writing and writing what is in my head, letting it flow like water that comes down from a mountain. I hope you're also struggling to find who you are again like I did.

You know, I love to pick the "I thought I was reborn but it turns out I'm the same person" line as a topic. Why? Because I feel it. Do people think that caterpillars will change if becoming a butterfly is reborn, just because they have wings and beautiful motifs? Man, come on, they're still caterpillars.

Many people claim that they are reborn, they will turn into new people. Just because you were hurt, you will change to be a new person for the better. Even if you change, it is still possible that you will be hurt again. Because you are still you.

Instead of pushing you to be other people and claim "I'm the new person!", just be yourself. I know sounds classic. If you go to wrong way, find yourself and back. Go back to the path that you think is best. Don't listen to it from other people's words, but from yourself. Because you are still yourself.

Caterpillars also need the process of becoming a butterfly. Not about perfection, but the progress of all processes. I repeat again: progress, not perfection.

The caterpillar turns into a butterfly, it doesn't change because of its shape. They might still have the personality as a caterpillar, however, they get a better and better personality. Because they find themselves, not anybody. 

Therefore, you may consider yourself reborn. Not because you mention it and push yourself to be someone else. But you find the real you, back to your original path and purpose. You know best and understand yourself.

Fear of death. Are you fear of death? Like death can happen any time, it can take you any time, people surrounded you, like anyone and anytime?

I am one of those people who fear death. Fear of falling on me or taking from the people I care about. As if I wasn't ready. Leaving or being abandoned is a heavy burden, don't you think?

On the other hand, having a fear of dying is good. If I don't say sorry today, I might not have another chance. If I don't say it now, then there won't be another chance. As if between now or never. When you think about later, are you sure there is still time for later?

Sometimes just thinking about it makes me sad and cry. What if I go and leave the world, will the people I leave behind will give up. I don't want to see my children grow up without me, I'm selfish I know. 

Vice versa. If the person I love leaves I will blame why the world is unfair. I can't guarantee to be the same person if a part of me is gone. 

Sometimes I'm just kidding, am I thinking this way because I've had too much caffeine? I do also often think seriously. Is this the counting days feeling of the angel of death who is already there and watching behind us? Hmmm, I don't know.

I even felt nervous and scared as I typed this and let you read it. I'm afraid to affect you. Don't worry, like I said, having fear is important. With fear, your preparation is more mature.

Hi there, how are you?

It's been a while. I just read all my previous blogs and... speechless? It feels like I'm the adult Andy that seeing the flashback playing with Sheriff Woody. And think like, ah... was I like that? How come? Can I get those cells back in my brain? That cell, the cell that has accompanied and influenced my life when I was struggling alone, now I don't know where she is. Was it because her job was done?

Have you ever saw an Inside Out movie? or maybe just K-drama that ongoing Yumi's cell. It represents that every people's brain is split into different cell personalities. Sense, emotion, anger, sadness, happiness, and many more. Those cells have their own job to helps the person itself perform to the world. 

I'd like to tell you about the cell part of me, which in its time was working very well. Have you ever actually been alone but didn't feel alone? That was me before having what I have now.

When I'm sad, it's that part of me that keeps me up. It's the cell that says that all is well. Cells that accompany my good and bad days. The part of me that tells me to write when I'm alone. The cell that writes down the words for me to read again and again as if they were written by someone else. So that I don't get discouraged so that I don't feel alone.

You know, I used to write a lot to encourage people, that's all sound naive articles, or Idk what other people think about it. In a way, I don't write it for others, even for you, I write it for myself. Who at that time was fragile and needed someone else to encourage me.

When you're down, instead of getting help from others, it's the other half of you that saves you. Yes, only you. 

Back again to my cell which at that time helped me. You know, now I did not see her anymore. I wonder why I do not do write to encourage myself anymore. Is it because I'm happy now? I'm not alone anymore? I have everything that makes me enough?

On the other hand, I'm happy that I don't need it anymore. I'm so happy right now. But also if I could see her, the other half of me, that cell again, I want to thank her and tell her please stay here even though I'm happy, and already become myself.

I wish that cell can keep me encourage, if I succeed to encourage myself, I want to deliver that to other people. So that's why, I try to look at her again on myself, calling her, please back, and let's make other people's day get better and better.